How Do You Split Amicably?

How Do You Split Amicably?

Here are some things you should consider doing if you want to split amicably from your spouse:

  1. Don’t rush your spouse
  2. Ensure that the split is in your child’s best interests
  3. Plan for the long term
  4. Assemble documents and facts to minimize disagreements
  5. Don’t say hurtful things to your spouse, however angry you may be
  6. Be polite and kind
  7. Establish a timeline

Separation is tough, but a whole lot of emotional distress and tension can be reduced if it is done amicably. In an amicable split, both spouses cooperate, compromise, commit, and work towards a peaceful separation that works best for them as well as the children. Though an amicable split sounds tough to execute, it is possible so long both spouses keep their calm, act maturely and philosophically, and of course, follow this guide:

1. Don’t Rush Your Spouse

Well, it is possible that your decision to split is taken in a hurry and it may not be the right solution to your marital problems. So, by rushing your spouse you may be chipping away at a long-standing relationship and perhaps compromising your children’s future. So, think hard and decide if the separation is the right thing to do.

If you are convinced that you need to separate, we suggest that you should not rush it. That is because things may have reached their peak by then and both spouses may be in a state of mental turmoil. If you rush the process, your spouse may get angered and he/she may not agree to your alimony, child support, custody, and other demands, thereby delaying the separation.

So, be patient, communicate calmly, and allow your spouse to digest the news. If he/she cannot, both of you should consider consulting a therapist and pave the way for a smooth separation.

2. Ensure That The Split Is In Your Child’s Best Interests

The courts always decide on child custody and child support matters based on the best interests of the child. So, if your separation goes against the child’s best interests, the courts may get the perception that you are not an ideal parent. Ask yourself:

  • Are you and your spouse mentally and physically fit enough to care for the child after the separation?
  • Which of you two has been the child’s primary caretaker and will the separation result in a change?
  • Is the custody of the child passing in full or part to the parent with a criminal record or who has engaged in substance abuse or domestic violence in the past?
  • How will your child’s relationship with you and the other parent get impacted after the separation?
  • Is the child mature enough to understand the circumstances that are leading to the separation? Or, will he/she be shocked?
  • Will the child’s life get destabilized after the separation?
  • Will the child’s physical or mental health get impacted by the separation?

Typically, you need to ensure that the separation does not impact the child negatively – and this need should motivate you to engineer an amicable split.

3. Plan For The Long term

Don’t think short term. Separation, which may be followed by divorce, is a life-changing decision and therefore your post-separation goals must be logical and robust. Remember that after any separation/divorce, there are fewer dollars to go around and you must plan for the long term, addressing your financial as well as emotional needs. Ask yourself:

  • How much will I earn every month (alimony + salary + child support (or) salary – alimony – child support) after the separation?
  • Will my monthly earnings be sufficient to run my home and look after my child?
  • Will I get a fair share in the marital property?
  • What should I do with the marital property that I get – retain or sell?
  • Am I physically and mentally fit to look after my home and the child single-handedly after the separation?

And other such questions that depend on the circumstances of your case. You need to play the long game and plan accordingly. If you plan for the short term, you will end up fighting small battles instead of winning the war.

4. Assemble Documents And Facts To Minimize Disagreements

In most separations, there are some to and fro spats related to money and children. To minimize acrimony, assemble documents and other statements that will support your claim if the separation converts to a divorce. Here is a list of documents you should collect and keep copies of:

  • Individual or business tax returns (federal, state, and local) of the last 3 years (These will help your family attorney understand how much the family made every month and what could have been your standard of living.)
  • Individual and joint bank account statements
  • Documents related to stock options or other intangible assets such as art
  • Employment contracts (of both the spouses)
  • Statements, appraisals, or documents related to other investments (brokerage, mutual funds, cryptocurrency and other online wallets, bank deposits, art, stock options, etc.)
  • 401(k) and other retirement account statements (of both spouses)
  • Documents related to marital property and separate property
  • Insurance policies (health, life, and others)
  • Property deeds (home, farmhouse, investment properties, etc.)
  • Mortgage statements
  • Property tax receipts
  • Credit cards owned by both spouses, loans owed, loan applications, and other debt documents.
  • Car registrations and insurance policies
  • Utility bills
  • List of separate properties owned by each spouse.
  • Medical bills
  • Fees paid for regular schooling and extracurricular activities
  • The family’s monthly budget

5. Don’t Say Hurtful Things

When emotions are running high, it is best to be in control of what you say, especially when there are children around. As a wise man once said, “don’t say anything that permanently hurts because you are temporarily offended.”

In a fit of rage, spouses can hurl insults, threats, barbs, and expletives that are meant to hurt the other spouse. The damage that hurtful words cause can last a lifetime, and when the spouse at the receiving end feels insulted or hurt, he/she may turn uncooperative. Also, you should not badmouth the other parent to your child because, aside from jeopardizing your separation, your badmouthing can hurt your child custody case.

6. Be Polite And Kind

  • Don’t assume that your spouse has taken the news of the separation so badly that he/she is out to extract revenge. Assume that he/she has taken the news in his/her stride and will cooperate. Of course, if your spouse doesn’t play ball, you will know soon enough – but until then hope for the best and prepare for the worst. If you assume the worst and react, you may end up complicating the case.
  • Communicate clearly and truthfully with your spouse and be gracious and gentle in a straightforward manner. Don’t engage in one-upmanship or a battle of egos.
  • Have empathy for your spouse, he/she may be as upset as you are. Who knows, your empathy may rub off on your spouse and he/she may agree with your point of view.
  • Whenever your spouse cooperates with you, be thankful. Expressing appreciation and being gracious creates a nice vibe even during a difficult period.

7. Establish A Timeline

A trial or a legal separation is a major decision in the life of a spouse. Many spouses separate so that they can ponder over the past and come up with a marriage-saving solution – or, they may decide to divorce after thinking things through. Therefore, a separation must be treated with a lot of seriousness and spouses should set an optimum separation period that they feel is sufficient enough to make up their minds.

If they don’t stick to the timeline, the whole process is likely to become casual and it may end up causing dissatisfaction or acrimony. So, spouses should stick to the separation timeline and communicate their decision as agreed earlier.

Protect Your Money And Your Family

We remove fear associated with divorce, protect your money & maximize time with your kids!

We're here to help. Let's determine your best options.

Call Us 24//7 at 801-685-9999 to Speak with a Live Representative

Utah Divorce FAQs
Top 100 Divorce Blog
What Clients Are Saying…
BrownLaw icon
Excellent
Brown Family Law
4.8
Based on 911 reviews
Nathaniel Garrabrandt and Brown Family Law is where I send people who are seeking Divorce. Highly professional and compassionate. Thank you!
I cannot say enough good about my experience with Brown Family Law. Ray Hingson and paralegal Carren did an excellent job with my case. I will definitely use this firm again for any legal issues.
I have worked with Andrew Christensen many times in a variety of situations. I am very impressed with his friendly demeanor in a difficult situation. I would highly recommend him to you without any reservations.
Highly recommend Brown Family Law. Life is hard, divorce is harder, and Andrew Christensen is your guy to help you through to the other side.
When you’re going through a tough time and need legal help, this firm isn’t just a one-person operation. It’s a team of attorneys who work together to support you every step of the way. So you’re not just getting a lawyer, you’re getting a legal team behind you.

Navigating the legal system was a steep learning curve for me, and my situation was fairly complex. What stood out about this law firm was the way multiple attorneys collaborated to address my case. It wasn’t just one person working in isolation, but a team supporting each other to find the best path forward. That kind of collective effort is a real strength, especially in hard out complex situations like mine.

There was one issue I felt should have had a different outcome with the court. When I brought it up, the team responded in a very professional and respectful manner, which I truly appreciated. It came to my understanding that the legal system sometimes works in a way that is distant than I thought. This was presented to me in a way that someone outside of the legal system could understand.

In my experience, this firm takes the time to not only assist you, but also help you understand why things are happening. That made a big difference for me, and it’s something that really sets them apart.
Response from the owner:David, thank you for our conversation and taking the time to leave this review.
My experience with Jennifer and Brown Family Law was nothing short of amazing. From the very beginning of my initial consultation all the through until my case was settled, I was well taken care of and updated every step of the way. I felt like my team genuinely cared about the outcome of my case, which was refreshing. You get what you pay for, and Brown Family was worth every penny. To say I highly recommend this group is an understatement.
Response from the owner:Thank you very much, Steve. Glad Jennifer took good care of you.
Andrew Christensen was a great divorce lawyer. He is very experienced, professional, and was great to work with during this difficult process.
Response from the owner:Casey, thank you and so glad Andrew served you well.
Made my divorce quick and painless. 5 months ago I was feeling very overwhelmed. There was legal issues with protective orders, my ex wife had taken my kids to another country without my consent, I was in way over my head. After speaking with brown law they calmed my nerves took over my case. A few video calls and 5 months later my divorce is finalized with a fair outcome for everyone. It was easy and stress fee, it didn’t even feel like I was going through a divorce.
Response from the owner:Thank you so much, Brian. Sorry you went through all of that, but glad we were able to help.
Jennifer was excellent! She was always responsive and kept me updated on my case. while the billing was a little different from what I expected, her expertise was invaluable. I highly recommend her. And I appreciate everything she's done for me and may case.
Response from the owner:Jennifer, thank you and glad Jennifer was able to help you and kept you updated.
Going through the divorce process can be overwhelming, exhausting and emotionally draining.
I did my homework to find the perfect lawyer to represent me knowing I could have peace of mind throughout the process.
Leilani Whitmer and her paralegal Idania did not disappoint. Their professionalism and dedication to my case was outstanding and fair.
Leilani had just had surgery a few days before mediation and showed up on crutches and ready to go. That’s dedication!!!
I am highly recommending them to anyone looking to feel at ease during a difficult time.
Response from the owner:Lesia, glad Leilani and Dani took such good care of you.
yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7

Categories