What is the First Thing to Do When Getting a Divorce?

What is the First Thing to Do When Getting a Divorce?

There is no such “first” or “one” thing you must do when getting a divorce. There are several, and each thing is equally important enough to be on your to-do list. These are:

  1. Don’t reveal your divorce intentions to your spouse.
  2. Get your documents in order.
  3. Think hard about child custody.
  4. Ensure adequate finances and emotional support.
  5. Decide if you will stay in the same house or move out.
  6. Create a post-divorce budget.
  7. Hire an experienced, effective, and reputed divorce lawyer.

1. Don’t Reveal Your Divorce Intentions

Unless the divorce is happening by mutual consent, revealing your intentions to your spouse when the idea of divorce first crosses your mind is not a good strategy. Especially if you expect your divorce case to be a high-conflict case, revealing your divorce intentions to your spouse can trigger him/her to indulge in deceit, hide assets, start becoming extra friendly with the children (thereby skewing your ), and more. So, control your emotions and don’t reveal your divorce plans if you cannot estimate how negatively your spouse will react to the news.

2. Collect, Organize, and Make Copies of Important Documents

Here is a helpful checklist:

  • Property deeds
  • Bank account statements
  • Investment statements (stocks, bonds, etc)
  • Mortgage deeds and account statements
  • 401(k) documents (plan, annual report, adoption agreement, amendments, IRS determination letter, etc.)
  • Credit card statements
  • Insurance Policies (life, health, children’s health)
  • Business documents (if you and your spouse jointly run a business)
  • Income tax returns
  • Social Security papers
  • Car documents
  • Stock options documents

Make physical and electronic copies of these documents and store them safely. Then organize the document copies and hand them over to your family law attorney.

3. Work on a Parenting Plan and Custodial Arrangement

You need to shield your children from the negative fallout of the divorce. Ensure they are kept out of arguments and anything else linked to divorce, including discussions with your friends or lawyer. Don’t badmouth the other parent or ask the children to pick sides. Think hard about how the child relates to parents and what kind of parenting time will work in the best interests of the child after the divorce, and based on your analysis, create such a plan.

4. Ensure Financial and Emotional Support

If you are not working, or are working and have to take care of the children, ensure that you have sufficient funds to pay the bills for 3–6 months. Usually, many spouses are not graceful and kind when hit by an impending divorce. They may try to cut off the money supply or somehow tie you up in litigation by complicating the case and increasing your attorney’s involvement. So, keep adequate cash, and get a credit card if you don’t have one.

Remember that usually marital assets and debts are split 50/50 or equitably, and so you need to be calm and collected and be aware that you will get your share of marital assets. It’s just that you need to provide for yourself and your children until the divorce is completed and that’s why you must have a firm grip on your finances. If required, your divorce attorney can help you tide over this period by going to court to get temporary alimony and child support.  

You may need emotional support during the divorce period. So, instead of entering into a new relationship, where bridges may have to be built, spend time with family and friends. Also, do not give in to emotions and badmouth your spouse on social media or among your friends.

5. Staying in the Same House – Or Moving Out?

If you have decided to divorce, and the atmosphere at home is toxic or abusive, you may want to separate immediately. However, it makes sense to wait it out a bit until you gather all the documents and file the divorce petition because there are chances that your spouse will accuse you of abandoning him and the children. And this could weaken your claims on alimony, property division, and child custody. Also, if you move out and your spouse makes the mortgage payments on the house (which you were sharing with him/her), then that too could negatively impact your share in the marital property.

The key to staying in the same house vs. moving out depends on the circumstances of your case and it would be best to consult your divorce attorney before making a decision. Your attorney can help you obtain a temporary restraining order that will ensure your safety. That said, if you feel your life is in danger then you must leave the house at the earliest possible– irrespective of the consequences.

6. Create a Post-Divorce Budget

Knowing how your post-divorce income and expenses will pan out month over month can help you get a firm grip on your life as it enters a new phase. Except in rare cases, there are no winners in a divorce and both spouses will likely be left poorer once they stop sharing the household expenses. This monthly budget also can help you estimate the alimony amount, and, in general, negotiate finances with your ex-spouse.

7. Hire the Right Lawyer

You need an experienced, effective, and reputed divorce attorney whose firm is focused on resolving divorce and child custody cases. You should not consider working with a rookie or a general practice firm because inexperienced and non-specialized lawyers can weaken your case. Take your time and interview 2 or 3 divorce attorneys before choosing one.

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Nathaniel Garrabrandt and Brown Family Law is where I send people who are seeking Divorce. Highly professional and compassionate. Thank you!
I cannot say enough good about my experience with Brown Family Law. Ray Hingson and paralegal Carren did an excellent job with my case. I will definitely use this firm again for any legal issues.
I have worked with Andrew Christensen many times in a variety of situations. I am very impressed with his friendly demeanor in a difficult situation. I would highly recommend him to you without any reservations.
Highly recommend Brown Family Law. Life is hard, divorce is harder, and Andrew Christensen is your guy to help you through to the other side.
When you’re going through a tough time and need legal help, this firm isn’t just a one-person operation. It’s a team of attorneys who work together to support you every step of the way. So you’re not just getting a lawyer, you’re getting a legal team behind you.

Navigating the legal system was a steep learning curve for me, and my situation was fairly complex. What stood out about this law firm was the way multiple attorneys collaborated to address my case. It wasn’t just one person working in isolation, but a team supporting each other to find the best path forward. That kind of collective effort is a real strength, especially in hard out complex situations like mine.

There was one issue I felt should have had a different outcome with the court. When I brought it up, the team responded in a very professional and respectful manner, which I truly appreciated. It came to my understanding that the legal system sometimes works in a way that is distant than I thought. This was presented to me in a way that someone outside of the legal system could understand.

In my experience, this firm takes the time to not only assist you, but also help you understand why things are happening. That made a big difference for me, and it’s something that really sets them apart.
Response from the owner:David, thank you for our conversation and taking the time to leave this review.
My experience with Jennifer and Brown Family Law was nothing short of amazing. From the very beginning of my initial consultation all the through until my case was settled, I was well taken care of and updated every step of the way. I felt like my team genuinely cared about the outcome of my case, which was refreshing. You get what you pay for, and Brown Family was worth every penny. To say I highly recommend this group is an understatement.
Response from the owner:Thank you very much, Steve. Glad Jennifer took good care of you.
Andrew Christensen was a great divorce lawyer. He is very experienced, professional, and was great to work with during this difficult process.
Response from the owner:Casey, thank you and so glad Andrew served you well.
Made my divorce quick and painless. 5 months ago I was feeling very overwhelmed. There was legal issues with protective orders, my ex wife had taken my kids to another country without my consent, I was in way over my head. After speaking with brown law they calmed my nerves took over my case. A few video calls and 5 months later my divorce is finalized with a fair outcome for everyone. It was easy and stress fee, it didn’t even feel like I was going through a divorce.
Response from the owner:Thank you so much, Brian. Sorry you went through all of that, but glad we were able to help.
Jennifer was excellent! She was always responsive and kept me updated on my case. while the billing was a little different from what I expected, her expertise was invaluable. I highly recommend her. And I appreciate everything she's done for me and may case.
Response from the owner:Jennifer, thank you and glad Jennifer was able to help you and kept you updated.
Going through the divorce process can be overwhelming, exhausting and emotionally draining.
I did my homework to find the perfect lawyer to represent me knowing I could have peace of mind throughout the process.
Leilani Whitmer and her paralegal Idania did not disappoint. Their professionalism and dedication to my case was outstanding and fair.
Leilani had just had surgery a few days before mediation and showed up on crutches and ready to go. That’s dedication!!!
I am highly recommending them to anyone looking to feel at ease during a difficult time.
Response from the owner:Lesia, glad Leilani and Dani took such good care of you.
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